World of Psychology
Coping with the End of a Relationship
Not only is your partner physically gone, but you are now left with hurt, anger, grief, frustration, and several other feelings.
How do you cope? How do you move forward? How do you resume a normal life and feel happy again?
Most people have heard the old adage “time heals all wounds.” This is true for the ending of relationships as well. In the moment it may feel like you will never heal, but it gets easier with time.
There also are things you can do to get back on your feet and get back to a healthier and happier you. Here’s a few ideas to begin the healing process.
- Give yourself time to grieve.
Losing a relationship often involves a grieving process. If you are familiar with the Kubler-Ross model for stages of grief, you understand that the process involves denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These are all appropriate emotions, whether you experience all or just a few.
- Allow yourself to fully experience pain.
As you encounter the wave of emotions that follow the separation, allow yourself to feel these emotions and fully experience the pain. It is often our first instinct to avoid pain. Sometimes we try to do this by finding distractions — fully immersing ourselves in children, work, hobbies, or other activities. Sometimes we try to do this by immediately entering another relationship to fill the void. The best way to deal with our emotions is by fully facing them. If you do not feel like you can do this on your own, seek the help of supportive people.
- Surround yourself with positive people.
There is nothing worse than sitting with a group of friends that will not only allow you to have a “pity party,” but will fully engage, encourage, and even bring the appetizers and drinks. The last thing you need after going through a breakup is to continue to relive it. Spend your time with people who make you happy and people who can make you smile. Be around people who will give you encouragement and offer the support that you need.
- Find the lesson and be grateful.
Take the time to reflect on what was learned in this relationship. Whether positive or negative, we can learn something in all situations. Focus on what was learned that you may not have otherwise had the opportunity to learn or experience. Be grateful for the lessons learned, whether hard or easy. It’s easy to be grateful for the positive lessons, and it’s not so hard to be grateful for the negative ones. In our negative experiences we learn the things we no longer wish to experience and we learn to be more aware and a little more careful.
- What are the benefits?
This may sound a little crazy, but it’s not. Focus on the benefits and how this situation can help you. Whether it’s the benefits of finding the lesson or realizing that you may have more time to focus on you, the things you enjoy, or gaining independence, there is always something gained. Seek out the benefits.
Again, time heals all wounds. After the initial emotions set in and you begin to deal with them, they become easier to manage. It is important that after your partner leaves, you set appropriate boundaries. If it has been determined that the relationship is over, there is no need to try to continue with one foot in and one foot out. Take the time you need to be alone, to gain clarity, perspective, and an overall sense of well-being. There may be a chance that you can be friends in the future, but if your partner leaves you, then you have the power to decide if and when he or she fits into your life again. Give yourself the necessary time to heal.
Psych Central News
Facebook Can Damage Your Relationship
Researchers from the University of Missouri found that individuals who use Facebook excessively are far more likely to experience Facebook-related conflict with their romantic partners.
This acrimony can cause negative relationship outcomes including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce.
In the study, researcher Russell Clayton and collegues surveyed Facebook users ages 18 to 82 years old. Participants were asked to describe how often they used Facebook and how much, if any, conflict arose between their current or former partners as a result of Facebook use.
The researchers found that high levels of Facebook use among couples significantly predicted Facebook-related conflict, which then significantly predicted negative relationship outcomes such as cheating, breakup, and divorce.
“Previous research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy,” Clayton said. “Facebook-induced jealousy may lead to arguments concerning past partners.
“Also, our study found that excessive Facebook users are more likely to connect or reconnect with other Facebook users, including previous partners, which may lead to emotional and physical cheating.”
Clayton says this trend was particularly apparent in newer relationships.
“These findings held only for couples who had been in relationships of three years or less,” Clayton said. “This suggests that Facebook may be a threat to relationships that are not fully matured.
“On the other hand, participants who have been in relationships for longer than three years may not use Facebook as often, or may have more matured relationships, and therefore Facebook use may not be a threat or concern.”
To prevent conflicts, Clayton recommended couples, especially those who have not been together for very long, to limit their own personal Facebook use.
“Although Facebook is a great way to learn about someone, excessive Facebook use may be damaging to newer romantic relationships,” Clayton said.
“Cutting back to moderate, healthy levels of Facebook usage could help reduce conflict, particularly for newer couples who are still learning about each other.”
The study will be published in a future issue of the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking.
Source: University of Missouri
Facebook photo by shutterstock.
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