World of Psychology
5 Small Steps That Make a Big Improvement in Your Financial Situation
“[T]he most critical aspect of improving one’s financial health is to uncover, challenge, and change self-defeating money scripts.”
Money scripts are often unconscious beliefs about money, which we learned in childhood.
In other words, each of us has a unique relationship with money, and understanding that relationship is key to improving it.
“Understanding our financial life is part of our self-care,” said Joe Lowrance, PsyD, a clinical psychologist who helps clients struggling with money issues. That’s because the choices we make with our money affects other areas of our lives, including our “physical, mental and relational health.”
Below, Lowrance and Klontz revealed the small steps you can take in greatly improving your financial situation.
1. Figure out your financial history.
In his research at Kansas State University, Klontz found that money scripts predict everything from how we use money today to our income and net worth.
For instance, the following money scripts have been linked to lower levels of income and net worth: “More money will make you happier,” “Rich people are greedy,” and “If something is not considered the ‘best’ it is not worth buying.”
Since our beliefs around money are shaped in childhood, digging into your history can be illuminating. Ask yourself: What did I learn from my mom about money? What did I learn from my dad? What about other family members? How has the culture affected my beliefs?
2. Think about your experiences.
Another way to improve your financial situation is to sit down and think through your experiences around money. Ask yourself these questions, said Klontz, also author of four books on financial psychology, including Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health.
- “What is your most painful money experience?
- What is your most joyful?
- What is your biggest financial fear?
- What beliefs about money emerged from these experiences?
- How have these money scripts helped you?
- How have they hurt you or limited your potential?”
3. Pay attention to the everyday.
Focus on the thoughts and feelings that arise as you spend, save, earn, borrow, give and invest your money on a daily basis, Lowrance said. This gives you a clearer picture of “how you relate to money and what serves your best interests.”
Again, having a deeper understanding of your beliefs, attitudes and feelings around money helps you make insightful decisions that improve your life.
4. Revise your money scripts.
After you identify your money scripts, it’s important to revise them. Consider “What is a more helpful money script?” Klontz said. Then consider the individuals “you know that operate from this more helpful money script.” In other words, identify several people who are closer to being where you’d like to be.
Then ask those individuals to chat with you. “Interview them about their relationship with money and use whatever wisdom you collect to make changes in your financial approach.”
5. Work with a professional.
Sometimes you can have great insight into what you’re doing and why, but still have a tough time changing it. If that describes your situation, “seek professional help from a financial planner or a financial therapist,” Klontz said. Learn more from the Financial Therapy Association.
Each of us has a relationship with money that influences how we use it. Uncover your beliefs, attitudes and daily thoughts about money. Then revise the money scripts that sabotage your relationship. As Lowrance said, “Financial wellness is a component of wellness itself.” Improving your relationship with money will no doubt positively affect other parts of your life.
Psych Central News
Men, Women Differ in Emotional Cooperation in a Relationship
Ashley Randall, Ph.D., a University of Arizona researcher, looked in depth as to how romantic partners’ emotions become coordinated with one another.
“Cooperation — having the ability to work things out with your partner, while achieving mutually beneficial outcomes — is so important in relationships. So I wondered what kind of emotional connectivity comes from cooperating with your partner,” said Randall.
For example, if someone comes home from work in a bad mood we know their partner’s mood might plummet as well, but what are the long-term implications of this on their relationship?
Researchers were surprised to find significant gender differences in how an individual responds to their partners’ emotions.
They discovered that during high mutual levels of cooperation with a romantic partner, men typically experience an “inphase” response to their significant other’s emotions. That is, if the woman in the relationship is feeling more positive, the man will feel more positive. If she feels less positive, he will feel less positive.
Conversely, it seems women experience more of an “antiphase” pattern during high mutual cooperation. If her partner is feeling more positive, she will tend to feel less positive, and vice versa.
Randall uses a familiar scenario to demonstrate the differences:
- A woman emerges from a department store fitting room and asks her husband what he thinks of a potential new shirt. He likes it, he says, hoping his time at the mall is nearing an end. So does the woman head straight to the cash register and make the purchase? Probably not. Chances are, her husband’s enthusiasm won’t be enough; she’ll want to try on a few more shirts first.
Social psychology literature on cooperation tells us that women generally tend to cooperate more, while men often try to avoid conflict. Thus, men might be subconsciously syncing their emotions with their partners’ during cooperation in an effort to avoid conflict or reach a speedy resolution, Randall said.
If that’s the case, it’s possible, although Randall’s study didn’t test for it, that women may pick up on the fact that their partner’s agreeability is not entirely authentic.
If she suspects he’s not really as positive as he seems, or that he has an ulterior motive, she may become less positive herself in an attempt to get at his real feelings and reach a more mutually satisfying resolution, Randall suggests.
“If you think about a couple that is trying to cooperate with one another, the man might go along and say, ‘oh sure, honey, this is great, are we almost done?’ whereas the women might say, ‘I’m so glad that you’re happy, but I just want to talk about this one other thing because I think we’re really getting at a resolution,’” Randall said.
In the end, Randall’s results suggest that women may tend to serve as the emotional regulators during cooperation.
For the study, Randall analyzed the interaction of 44 heterosexual couples who were videotaped having a conversation about their shared lifestyle related to diet and health.
The couples were asked to watch the video back and, using a rating dial, provide momentary feedback about how they were feeling emotionally. Researchers analyzed the videos as well as the participants’ responses to them.
Researchers believe the study has implications for better understanding how romantic partners’ emotions are connected.
“Cooperation is something that’s invaluable and instrumental in a successful relationship but men and women experience it differently,” Randall said.
“This research provides another avenue to understanding how partners’ emotions can become linked, but future research is needed on how these emotional patterns may ultimately contribute to the longevity, or demise, of the romantic relationship.”
The study is published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships and featured in the journal’s podcast series, “Relationship Matters.”
Source: University of Arizona
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